7 years. How quickly it's gone since we started planting 5 Stones Church in Vancouver. And what a joy it's been. Of course, there have been frustrations, heart-aches (my worst relationship disaster has occurred while here), difficulties, panic, fear, doubts (Am I good enough for this?), but the overriding sense is one of being sustained by the grace of God which leads to joy. The Book of Acts, and Paul's letters regularly encourage me because of the multitudes of difficulties the apostles went through in doing gospel work. My trials are puny compared to theirs.
One of the main outcomes of these seven years is having grown, not a big church numbering in the hundreds and thousands, but a small church of 75 people. This is not how I pictured it. Every church planter dreams of big, and bigger, not small and smaller. Yet something has happened in the course of pastoring our "boutique church," or "incubator church" as I affectionately call it. I've grown to love small. (I used to pastor a congregation of 600 plus people, which according to stats put us in top 10% of churches in America in terms of size). In fact in contemplating that we might be on the verge of breaking out and growing "big," I've wondered if I will like it like before, or if I want it! How far I've come and how did I get here? Several things....
#1 - I've been away from the "American force field" of "Big is Better." Certainly big is awesome. Big is gloriousl Numbers DO make a difference, and IS a indicator of success. But in American culture (where I came from, and still love) BIG is everything; it's a status symbol; how big is your house, car, salary, and in this case, how big is your church? That's what I call the "American force field." Living in Canada, you live outside that force field and as a result it's allowed me to not boil down everything down to one number.
#2 - I've found a natural bent in my personality that likes start-up environments that are nimble, fast moving, and adrenaline fueled! If we get big, will we lose that? Will we have to develop systems to accomodate this and that? I rather run and gun! As our core team enlarges, will we lose our intimacy, fun and free-flowing atmosphere? Will I have to act like an executive, delegating this and that, and lose contact with where the action is because I'm so many layers removed from the front lines?
#3 - Pride before man. I've realized I am completely content before God on the size on our church; it's before man that I feel anxious and uncomfortable. That's just pride. Wanting to look good, be "successful" in other's people eyes. If I'm truly comfortable before God, why shouldn't I be comfortable in my own skin? There's only one pair of eyes looking at me that truly matters. And that's whom I'm living for. But in saying this, let me be clear, I'm not laying a foundation for an "anti-big" mentality. This is just part of my processing.
Having said all that, there is something that trumps it all in the end. Size is not up to me. I must be size neutral. I'm not going to limit the grace of God or define the grace of God. I'm just going to flow with it. If that grace leads to 10,000, bring it on! If it leads to 100, bring it on! Could I go back to Big? That's the wrong question. "Should we stay small?" That's a wrong question as well. Wherever grace leads, that's where I want to be. Whatever grace requires, that's what I want to do. Getting big? Need systems? I'm on it. Staying small? Have to be brew the coffee? I'm all over it. Church planting is about letting God define the terms. If grace says to believe for thousands, believe and reach for thousands. If grace says rest, and enjoy the intimacy of a few, do that as well. And if grace says, dream big, and go after what's in your heart, then that's the place to be. We respond in obedience, faith, with hard-work, by loving people, and loving truth. To quote Phil 4:11, "I've learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."