Adapted from Harvard Business Publishing...
Ans: "You don't. What you need to learn is a process for releasing the emotion."
Most people are trying to control or manage their anger. It never occurs to them that they can release it--completely! Stifling our feelings or our urges to act out in anger doesn't work. People can read us... sometimes better than we can ourselves. Stifling our feelings will work against us because when we deny or suppress anger, we end up projecting it. Either we turn it inward, which leads to depression or disease, or we turn it outward in harmful ways.
When you are hijacked by your anger, ask yourself: What process do I have (in the moment) for dealing with this anger? Most people don't have an answer. Some have coping mechanisms, such as stifling or projecting; some use physical exercise, which is useful, but not so much in the moment.
Everyone needs a way to exit the "doom loop" that anger can create.
Eph 4:26 says "Be angry but do not sin." There's a lot of teaching in this short sentence. How do we turn it in to a practical aid for ourselves?
Here's how I break it down in four little steps:
1. Realize, it's ok to be angry. The feeling of anger is not a sin in itself. What we may do with it is. Just knowing that is a huge relief and benefit. God is not asking us to "stuff things." He's much more realistic and honest.
2. Enjoy the permission you have to feel angry. That in itself has a calming effect, and will help you see more clearly. This will also allow you to put on a "good face" without being dishonest with yourself. In otherwords, you can be angry on the inside, and know it (and it's ok), but for the sake of peace and resolution, you control it, not because you're stuffing it, but because you want to turn the energy into something positive.
3. Try to examine the why in the moment. Next time you are overcome with anger, try to remember to ask yourself this question in the moment: "Why am I feeling this anger?" Get in touch with the feeling or emotion as quickly as you can. Self-awareness is a KEY to draining anger of the poison that may be associated with it.
4. Choose your response as an act of your choosing and awareness. Once you know why you're angry, choose your path of response: lay down your rights, speak up, dialogue, forget it, admit your pride to yourself, etc. Knowing why you're angry in the moment will help you manage it with deliberateness and intention, which is the foundation of health. You are choosing your action, not your emotion. You are not a victim. You are in control. You are exercising your freedom to make quality decisions in response to your anger.
This new skill will take practice. It will probably feel awkward at first. But with enough practice it will become a habit and you will find yourself working through anger in minutes or hours rather than obsessing for days, weeks, or years!